


we'll take it slow (and grow as we go)

by jamjessy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Divorce, First Kiss, First Time, Growing Up, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Secret Relationship, Shy Bang Chan, Shy Lee Minho | Lee Know, Smoking, Strangers to Lovers, Time Skips, Unrequited Love, honestly i hope you cry with me, i divided the story in two parts, i wanted to focus more on the feelings, ji shows up and fixes everything basically, min talks about going to therapy, part one:, part two:, seniors, the tags will be devided too, there isn't a ton of sex description
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamjessy/pseuds/jamjessy
Summary: "Min, why don't you share the things inside your mind?"Chan had his brown eyes closed.He sounded a little bit out of breath; that made Minho proud, it made him smile."I do, with Felix.""That's, that's different, because Felix is your therapist and,oh my God, don't…don't touch in there, it's still sensitive."The boys were naked all over Minho's double bed.Mrs. Lee wasn't home so there was no needs such as keep the doors and windows closed, which was good because it had been a hot, humid day.Chan moaned when tiny and pale fingers caressed his cock's head. "You are too much, Lee Minho. Did you know that?"Minho laughed.He left then a gentle kiss on Chan's shoulder."Yes, I do."
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	we'll take it slow (and grow as we go)

**PART ONE** ****

**part one: you say you'd rather be alone 'cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else**

The agreement was simple between them: Minho would help Chan with Math and Physics and, in exchange, Chan would help him with English and Literature. Their teacher gave them the idea. It was supposed to be a simple agreement between them.

"You are two of our best students," Jinyoung told, happy to see them together. "And of course, both of you have _weaknesses_ , that is totally normal and exactly what the best schools look for in their best students so they can track it down. Fortunately, we're all humans here and not robots."

Chan asked first, a bit confused with Mr. Park allusions. " _And…_ What do you mean by that, Mr. Park?" That was the first time Minho saw Chan from close.

Bang Chan had big lips and a big nose but that didn't make him a less attractive person, rather more interesting to look at - and that Minho did, with big, shiny eyes. "That we start studying together?" Chan continued.

"Precisely, Mr. Bang. I know you and Minho share the same _want_ to go to the _same college_ , so, I think you wouldn't mind and _accelerate_ things - your relationship with the environment outside high school - and, eventually, become good company to each other, who knows?"

" _But,_ " Minho whispered. He wasn't used to light conversation as his relatives weren't close to each other. That's why he spent most of his time reading, doing homework, or simply watching bad TV series. "I don't know who he is."

"Minho," Mr. Park said his name more kindly. "That's what we're focusing on, my darling. And your future studies as well, of course."

Minho did see Chan and his group of friends around school. They could be very loud but not Chan. Minho and he shared one or two classes, so Minho knew the truth. Out of his friends' sight, Chan - the same also happened to Minho - was a quiet student; the type who was there to watch the classes more than to be a speaker-part of it. Minho knew Chan a little bit.

"Same thing," Chan replied, his eyes on Minho's instead. "Nice to meet you then."

" _Right…_ Nice to meet you. I'm Minho."

" _Christopher._ But they all call me Chan in here."

The two boys traded a handshake.

And, their hands felt perfect fitting in each other.

Chan's hands were big like a grown man's and he moved his shoulders confidently. Minho was tinier, an introvert, Chan had never seen such intense eyes in a person before.

**part two: who said it's true that the growing only happens on your own?**

They usually met at Minho's to get their homework done. It was only his mother, Mrs. Lee, Minho, and their three cats, Soonie, Doongie, and Dori - Chan was a quick learner and that impressed Minho; people always fucked up the cat's name even it not being that hard. Minho's old brother lived with his fiancee and his father lived in France. His parents were divorced.

"You don't have to take off your shoes. If you don't want to," he'd tell Chan before every study meeting. It was funny that they still called it like that after ignoring so much of the actual studying part.

"It's fine," Chan would always remove his dirty sneakers by the doorstep. "I don't really mind. It's better like that even."

"If you think so, it's, it's okay then." Minho's eyes closed and he sighed. They were working on being… _less awkward_ , when they're together. They weren't working exactly fast but some progress was always made after every meet.

At least their homework wasn't late.

Chan coughed, _awkwardly._

"I missed you at school today, _I, I, I mean._ We all did. We all missed you."

"You're lying, Chan."

He was so obvious when he lied - at least for Minho, Chan was. Minho smiled back nevertheless. Everytime Bang Chan smiled at him… He felt like bathing in sunlight.

He could be a lot of things: a kind, bad liar. Minho's first kiss with a boy.

"I'm, _fuck_ , I'm not Minho. I missed you in Physics. Mr. Park even asked why you weren't there one time but I didn't _know_ what to tell him."

" _Oh._ My brother and my mother have been arguing about her health, something about her seeing a new therapist. A new one for me too," he wanted to change subjects quickly. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really. _Wait._ Minho. How long have you seen a therapist? Why didn't you tell me that?"

" _It's not,_ " Minho bit his bottom lip. He did everytime he didn't want to share, Chan caught it _too_ easily. Chan couldn't stop staring at it. Minho was starting to hurt the thin skin how much he bit them. "It's not like, like, this is any of your business, Chan. I'm fine."

"Right. You're _fine_ . Did you miss the last entire week of school because of what? Because you were _fine_ too? You missed two, important texts, Min. Here, I tried to make you some notes during English - because I know you don't like it - but they ended up all-"

" _Messy_."

"Yes, they ended up all messy."

Chan wasn't all good while taking notes. He was a big, cloudy mess, actually. His thoughts and scribblings would end up everywhere because he was much better with storm thinking lines then really taking them to the physical side, down to the paper.

Minho was nothing like that, Chan knew that, so he deeply apologized for making a bad work. Minho was grateful as he knew Chan had given his best on catching him up to school.

"Thanks," he grabbed Chan's notebook. Looking down at his own orange socks, Minho was brave enough to tell Chan: "I missed you too, a little bit… _I_ , _I don't,_ we are not boyfriends so I don't understand why you care so much, Chan."

"I care because _someone_ has to, Min. And I don't mind it being me, if that's what Mr. Park wanted," they smiled. For some reason Jinyoung had put them together. "You missed me a little bit, _uh?_ " 

Chan smiled, wilder, it was as beautiful as a Summer day.

"Yes, I had the cats so it wasn't unbearable."

Chan hummed.

He was getting closer.

Minho loved how small Chan's athletic body made him feel.

Minho felt protected.

He didn't need to do everything alone.

"I bet it wasn't. I'm… sorry, for getting nervous. I was worried about you during the week, but, you look _good_ , Min."

 _"You look beautiful, you always do."_ It's what Chan wanted to tell him all the time. He never did.

_(Maybe he should have done it more)_

"Thank you. You do look _good_ as well."

Chan laughed a bit. No, he didn't. "No, I don't. I look a mess, all the time.

_("I was thinking about you the whole week, Min."_

_"I miss the I that only exists when you're around, Chris. It's different when it's with you. When it's with you, I am different.")_

"Are you… alone?" Chan asked.

The house was empty, it always was. "Yes, mom is working and I don't think my brother is showing up soon after what happened."

" _Right._ So, can I," _awkward._ "Can I kiss you, Min? I know you probably didn't have a good day and it's fine if you want to skip. It's _always_ fine if you don't want to-"

 _Minho_ texted _him_ earlier.

 **Min  
** **10:37**

**i'm not going today**

**again?**

**Min  
** **10:41**

**yes, dw**

**could you come after?**

**right**

**of course i can**

**Min  
** **11:32**

**thank you, christopher.**

"Chris," Minho was touching Chan's cheeks carefully. His eyes were closed. " _Make me forget, please._ " Minho whispered.

(Chan wanted to see the world the way Minho did, one day, perhaps.

Maybe they could share the pain)

 _He looks beautiful even after crying_ , it was Chan's last thought before their lips touched.

**part three: when you're high, i'll take the lows**

"Min, why don't you share the things inside your mind?"

Chan had his brown eyes closed. 

He sounded a little bit out of breath; that made Minho proud, it made him smile.

"I do, with Felix."

" _That's_ , that's different, because Felix is your therapist and, _oh my God, don't…_ don't touch in there, it's still sensitive."

The boys were naked all over Minho's double bed.

Mrs. Lee wasn't home so there was no needs such as keep the doors and windows closed, which was good because it had been a hot, humid day.

Chan moaned when tiny and pale fingers caressed his cock's head. "You are too much, Lee Minho. Did you know that?"

Minho laughed.

He left then a gentle kiss on Chan's shoulder.

"Yes, I do."

Chan felt like kissing Minho again so he did, deeply.

"You were good. You went deep," Minho said, dropping Chan's tongue so he could smile.

" _Uh,_ just good?"

"I don't think I'll be able to walk normally tomorrow."

He hid his red face on his pillow and Chan's expansive laugh filled Minho's room - it was beautiful how Chan laughed with his whole body.

"It was that good then."

"It was _that_ good, _then_."

"It is so hot in here," _that's because you are the Sun himself_ , Min thought. "Do you mind if I open another window?"

Min's head shook.

Chan, who dressed back his briefs then left a kiss on Minho's back, opened the windows.

Minho's view was amazing; a wild meadow that ended up in the sea. He knew Minho's family had some money, their house was a nice one.

Chan felt calm and his body light.

He sat back with Minho, who laid lazily over a colorful quilt.

"I really like your hair longer like this. It suits you, Chan."

"It suits me because it's a mess."

Minho's brown eyes rolled. "It's not because of that. It suits you longer because your natural curls are pretty, and now they have the space they need to grow."

"Well," said Chan, shyly. "Thank you."

"But, you have to untangle them everyday. So they can breath. Come here."

Minho whimpered a bit while he tried to sit. Chan had to help.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's fine," Minho murmured, slowly untangling Chan's big curls. "Can you come tomorrow too? After your soccer game."

"Of course," Chan kissed honey lips. "Do you want to go another round? It's still early and I don't have to be home before six."

Minho kissed back, that was a _yes_.

**part four: tell me you don't wanna leave 'cause if change is what you need you can change right next to me**

For Christopher, finding Minho was like finding the right puzzle piece in a sea of many unknown ones.

_Wrong ones._

For Minho, being a small secret in Chan's life was a gift.

_Chan._

Chan who fucked him kindly and didn't find it uncomfortable when he said, _It's my first time having sex, I don't know how to…_

They fit tenderly, like puzzle pieces.

They were a secret, nobody at school or at home knew. And that didn't scare them for some time.

_Until it did._

Christopher was smoking close to his bed's window.

His mother didn't approve it.

He had to burn it down quickly so he was done when she came, knocking slightly on the door.

(Christopher wasn't an avid smoker. He did it sometimes; mostly when loneliness or school or bad news would hit him. Minho wasn't talking to him. It had been two weeks since and he missed _his person_ terribly. That's why the smoking. Christopher missed the soothing voice, the touches, the short and the long kisses. He missed the hushed fucks and their paced, deep hip moves. He missed playing with the _fucking cats_ everytime after. He missed his other part. He missed his gift and he missed being part of Minho's sad life, that's what he missed.)

Seeing the end of the cigarette burning by the windows' sill, his mother pulled his ear a bit, not glad her own son was being so nasty like that.

" _Jesus_. You are exactly like your father. He started smoking your age, you know that? You can be all nasty together, for what I care."

"That's why you love us so much."

" _Uh_ , right. Stop smoking this crap or you'll have cancer by _your father's_ age, that's what's going to happen. Here. A boy left it for you early, said his name was Minho."

 _Minho…_ "How was he?" He asked, hushed like.

"Like he's been crying secretly for two weeks. _Like you._ Chan, I don't know what's happening, that's your personal life, but, whatever you two think it's right… It's probably not. Both sides seem hurt."

"Did Minho say anything?" She shook her head. "Of course he didn't. I forgot _that's_ Minho."

"Get down to the kitchen when you're ready, honey. I'm getting dinner done. It's your favorite, pasta."

Mrs. Bang left after kissing his temple and giving him the journal. 

"Chan," she called, by his door. "I liked Minho. He seemed sweet. Don't lose him, alright?"

"Right, I won't."

He couldn't keep to his words.

**part five: i don't know who we'll become i can't promise it's not written in the stars**

He was expecting to find just notes from missing classes inside the journal. 

What he found was a long nightmare.

A piece of Minho's mind, like he once wanted.

[Dearest Chan,](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Amr6p7ROMdZmP3ePJUBUY?si=tEp2FyDcS4uK_Oz6jyJBdQ)

You were the best thing that happened to me in the last year.

Everytime you touched my skin and everytime I could kiss you, I felt like something bloomed inside myself. 

Everytime I saw you around the school I felt like getting up and walking with you freely. Like touching and kissing you freely.

But we both know we could never. 

We come from different places and we're going different paths too. You know where you're going and I don't.

You're too precious, Chan. I will not be the one who stops you in time. I will not stop you from seeing your friends for they thinking I'm weird 

(because they're right, don't think I don't know).

I will not stop you from meeting a nice girl and loving her and from making plans with her, because that's what you deserve Chan, I will never be able to give you that.

When my parents divorced two years ago, they started to hate each other when they were never like that. I don't want us to be that people, Channie. We are not that people. I know it.

I could never hate you and you don't want to hurt me. God, I don't even know if you have it in you to do it. That's how precious you are to me, baby.

I'm writing to you because I don't think we should see each other again. I didn't want to be that person who's suddenly gone either.

If you need me, I'll be there.

I'll be there because I adore you, Chan.

The thing is… I feel like I need you much more than you need _me._

We could move on, right? High school ends in four months and I think you will be fine.

You will be bright like the sun, Channie.

You will love college, and you will make so many friends, and I don't want to be _the one_ who stops you. I don't want to be a burden.

_You shouldn't be a secret, Christopher._

I don't think we should speak at school but we already don't so… let's try not to hurt each other. My parents hurt each other a lot during my brother and I's childhood. We can't be like that too.

You said once that I scared you, after we had sex. I don't think you remember this because you were half asleep.

Now you know you scare me as well.

Your big, big heart scares me so bad, and I don't know if I deserve it.

You're forever sunlight, Chan. And your heart is warm. I used to call you Sun, you know that?

Now you know what's in my head… _It's you all the time_. I think I could love you back as intensely one day, after my mind gets better. But don't wait for me, alright?

I know you could love me as well.

I _know_ , Chris. Body and soul.

Yours endlessly, Minho.

**part six: they don't know me and you**

For the next week, Chan cried until all of his tears seemed to dry.

He read Minho's letter every night before bed, when he cried some more.

_(At least he dreamed about Him)_

At school, they didn't talk, just like Minho wanted.

Sometimes Christopher would catch Minho staring but he was so quick he couldn't look back or whisper anything. Suddenly, his favorite eyes were gone.

He was lost for a while.

His mother even asked him if he wanted to see someone… a therapist. _No, mom, we don't have the money for that_ , he'd say the same words everytime. He was a good son.

Chan lived how Minho wanted him to, _not_ Christopher.

He even had a girlfriend for two or three months. The sex wasn't bad but he kept comparing it to the one Minho and he had.

_(He wasn't in love with her)_

When senior year ended, and some students were getting into colleges, he and Minho were the only ones to get good scholarships, for the same institution.

He was studying music and Minho medicine - he was _that_ amazing, he always knew Minho was much smarter than anyone in their classes.

He saw the cats sometimes.

Like a ghost, Minho vanished from the house.

It was difficult and it hurt so, so much.

_(Until it started getting easy again)_

**PART TWO**

**part seven and eight: you need to go and find yourself**

" _God!_ " Jisung complained for the nth time.

They were roommates, sharing equal dreams - Ji was a music major as well - and an over-expensive rent; none of them were rich.

Ji kept saying. "There's this guy in my Anatomy class and he eats our misogynistic teacher out _every time_ . He's a maniac, really. _I adore him._ "

Christopher fighted his computer so it wouldn't crash on him a second time just that evening.

"What you said it was his name again?" Chris asked.

"Minho. _Lee Minho_ . Actually, he said he might know you once I told him my roommate's name. I didn't think that was weird at all, at the time, since you are literally the most popular person alive. But now, I do. He said, _oh!_ Minho even said we should all meet. At The Bar. Min seemed very into you, hyung. He's _very_ handsome, you know. Disgustingly handsome."

 _Lee Minho…_ "Ji, what's his major again?"

" _Oh,_ Minho's? He's a medicine major, like, med vet major. He's disgusting. A disgustingly cute and handsome maniac, I told you. So, we're all meeting later at The Bar for drinks. Are you coming too, hyung? I think you should or Min it's not coming, probably. Binnie even started a bet on it, it's kind of cute."

"Right, if he wants me to, I'm coming too."

" _Cool_. You'll see yourself. Minho has kind of a rich boy vibe going on, but he's actually a cat dad and weird like us."

Christopher's computer froze on him, twice. He didn't seem to care.

That same cold night, Minho showed up at The Bar.

He was beautiful. _(But he always was)_ His clothes were on brand and he was sure of himself, what he spoke and the things he defended. _(He was more mature)_ That Minho spoke louder, drank and smoked heavier, _took his space._

That version of Chan's Minho was _ginger_.

_(Like the sun, maybe)_

Like the sun, Minho was alive and well.

**part nine: i don't know how this river runs but i'd like the company through every twist and turn**

Christopher and Minho shared a bottle of cheap wine at their friends' favorite bar. They spoke to each other after months.

They talked and talked. _Really_ talked, not half words, half said. More and more words energetically coming off Minho's beautiful lips.

Christopher was falling in love again.

Minho was too.

Following the same tempo. With the same intensity.

A new version of themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so, so proud of myself for finishing this short story. when i had 1k of it written i started crying deeply and i really thought i would just forget it. but what happened it was i woke up early the other day and started working on it like crazy. so yay!! here we are
> 
> i hope you cried (or simply got emotional) and i hope you can find true love one day
> 
> i don't have an official minchan twitter yet but i saw some people from stan twitter supporting my other fanfic and i'd like to say thank you, specially to nini (if you're reading this, you're such an inspiration to me. your church boy au? iconic), who's minchan's royalty who do we want to lie to <3 anyway, drop you twitter handle if you tweet/rt minchan content because i'd like to be mutuals :]


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